On the Dotted Line.

Considering I did an obligatory end of year post I thought it would only be fitting that I do a “New Year, New Me”/Resolution post. I’ve yet to figure out what it is about a new calendar year, that tiny difference between the 31st in one year and the 1st in the next that drives us as humans to reinvent ourselves or strive to do better than we have the last 200 to 300 days but I find it fascinating…and refreshing. Realistically speaking I don’t think you have to start a phase of  bettering yourself or making positive changes at the beginning of the year, or at any specific time, but there is the feeling of, and not to get too High School Musical on you, “we’re all in this together” this time of year. It’s that knowledge that you aren’t the only person out there thinking you need a change, that a whole ton of people feel just that much inadequate or that unhappy to alter things in their lives and make a valiant effort to lose weight, budget their money better, find love, or whatever it might be. When we feel less alone we are likely to be more productive and anxious to be able to show results. Granted there is the very typical trend of giving up fairly early, or part way through, or when you’ve achieved your resolutions but the thought is still there all the same. And we start the cycle all over again between the tick of 11:59 and 12:00.

Typically I am not one to make big, grandiose resolutions, simply for the fact I am terrible at keeping them. And lucky for me I’ve always found some little excuse here or there that got me out of sticking to whatever little thing I said I would do, or not do. Usually I just said I was too busy with school and/or work to worry about things like making sure I worked out on the regular or think about things that weren’t work or school. However this year is different, yeah I still have work but it’s part-time and without classes and deadlines then I have the other part of my time to focus on resolutions. And truth be told I want to have these things to reach for, I want to start to be the grown up that I apparently was named once the degree was in my hands. And part of that being responsible and grown up is making a commitment or promise and having others witness to it in order to be held to it. So I’ve decided to share the resolutions I made here with you all and ask that if you feel like it to maybe expect updates. If you’re someone I talk to frequently don’t be afraid to harass me about how I am doing, if you want I’ll return the favor with whatever you have set for yourself. Without further adieu…

Resolutions for 2013

  1. Write more. –> At least 3 times a week.
  2. Read more. –> Just do it!
  3. Make healthier choices. –> portion control/better options/a little exercising
  4. Get out of my own head more. –> Share inner thoughts with people more often.
  5. Be less scared, or at least willing to admit I am scared. And to understand that it is okay, normal, and doesn’t make me weak.

They are fairly simple and kinda vague but I like them that way, specifics require too much stress and detail that could overwhelm me and then make me want to give up. I’ve already vocalized the first one to some friends and I need to remember it because I have these ideas for novels and they aren’t gonna get published just sitting in my head so I need to put forth honest effort. The second is just something I always believe I can do more of, there are so many damn books in this world and it drives me nuts I’ll never be able to devour them all so I need to constantly remind myself the importance of the activity so I can die someday knowing I did my damnedest to read as many as I could. Three comes from what I said a couple posts back, I am less happy with myself than I have ever been and that makes me frustrated so I know I need to do little things to get back to that happy zone. It isn’t about losing weight to physically appeal to others or fit societies notions of what my body should look like, it is for me and my inner happiness…which will eventually radiate outwards anyways.

Four and five are the real exposing ones. I was recently made aware of how much I hide from people who I consider really close and that made me feel bad. When two of my closest friends are unaware of some of my little dreams and thoughts that is a sad day, especially since I’ve always kind of considered myself an open book. But if I really look at it I do hide a lot of what goes on in my head and that’s no good. I mean yes obviously some things are going to be issues I want to keep closely guarded and are secrets for only me, but at the current moment I tend to retreat into my head and just exist in that world there, that isn’t healthy and is unfair to the people in my lives. Five goes along with that because I realized that part of the reason I do these things is because I am afraid. The idea of baring certain things to others terrifies me; I am scared of letting them that much more in and scared of reactions. I’ve always worn the attitude of not caring what others thought, and for the most part it is true, but there are just certain things that in fact I do care and letting those opinions at me makes me want to retreat into the blanket fort that is my bed and cuddle with my stuffed elephants (yes plural).

And to be frank this whole post kinda fulfills four and five, which is a great start to keeping those resolutions! It’s also another way of me signing my name on the line to commit to actively keeping at these promises. But I’ve also snapped a shot, and will attach below, of me actually signing on the line at the bottom of the paper I first wrote these down on so there is further, and physical, evidence of it all. Just three days into the new year and I am feeling pretty good about these resolutions (and the year in general) but give it a few weeks and come talk to me, literally, and let’s just see where I am at. It all goes back to the whole ‘team effort’ thing that I fully believe in, and hey maybe in a year I’ll be a healthier me who is published, more well-read, less of a mental recluse, and unafraid to be afraid. ;)

Have an awesome Friday and weekend ladies and gents.

photo evidence:



One thought on “On the Dotted Line.

  1. Pingback: Diagnosis: 2014. Outlook: Good. | Vocal Typing

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