Question Less, Trust More

Me again. I am interrupting the countdown to post a little blabbing I need to get out. See I started my week out with some not great news Monday but I already had the plan of going through some “firsts” for the countdown and was excited that I quickly moved passed the news. I am not sad I did but I think somewhat addressing it will benefit me in the long run. Not to mention I said publicly I had gotten some shit news but then never discussed it and I don’t’ want to be that person that says things but then never explains them. That drives me crazy. So let’s backtrack then shall we?

I always check my phone before getting up and ready for work so Monday I did that. My phone email sometimes hordes my emails & I noticed I hadn’t gotten one all weekend so I refreshed it & in the batch was a email about my graduate school application. Long story short; it didn’t work out. I wasn’t rejected necessarily but it said my application had been withdrawn. Now I am not 100% sure what that means, I could investigate but the moment I read it I didn’t feel much of anything. 

And on top of that I didn’t have time to dwell because I am lazy and like to sleep as late as possible most mornings so I had to get up and get going. So yeah, not great news but I immediately filed away the way I reacted (or didn’t react?) and figured there was no point in dwelling on it. Yeah it sucks, but at the same time I applied just to apply, to have something to do or discuss when people asked what I was doing with my future. That doesn’t mean I wasn’t highly excited at the idea or didn’t have little visions of me walking the campus and hunkering down studying. It just means that for now I am choosing to just not question why this is the path the Universe has put me on and just go with it. 

I’ve told a few people but not a ton and I don’t plan on making a big deal of it. It’s a thing that happened and now I carry on, try to just focus on now and where I might go from here. I’ve had a good last six months or so brain waves and feelings wise and I don’t want to let this eat at me and cause me to nitpick every detail and over stress myself into a spiral of crappy thoughts and feelings. Plus it isn’t like I can’t apply again in the future if I come to a more concrete decision that is what I want to do and spend the next few years of my life accomplishing. 

Life goes back to a day-by-day mantra and I explore new ideas and concepts trying to find just the right fit. Most importantly I am enjoying the days leading up to my birthday which is always a happy & celebrated time for me cause I love birthdays. There is a ton of stuff in my life to be giddy and thankful for that I am not going to let something like this crash it all. So not getting into grad school (right now) is a thing that happened, I’ve digested it, accepted it, and am moving forward. 

Now back to the regularly scheduled posts of countdown and fun facts! :)


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