I don’t have a whole lot to say today so instead I am just going to jump into a piece that just sort of jumped into my head when I noticed the #WorldMentalHealthDay hashtag appearing on twitter and after reading some of the tweets in the tag.
Waking up I can sense I’ve been out for some time, but if it is morning or afternoon I can’t be totally sure. At least I know the money spent on black out curtains was well spent, even though if I look hard enough at the very edge I can see a small stream of light trying to peak through. Rolling my head over to the other side I can see the blue of my clock telling me it is just past eleven, which is not as late as I thought it was, definitely not as late as I am capable of. The last question I need an answer to is what day it is.
Pretty sure it is Wednesday. Either that or it is Thursday, I mean I am pretty sure yesterday was Tuesday. Not that it matters. I don’t have anywhere important to be and getting out of bed to find something to do sounds almost painful. I spent yesterday in this exact spot doing nothing but falling in and out of sleep so why can’t I do that again today?
Something jostles at my hip and I look down to find an orange heap of fur. My cat, Peggy, adjusting herself into a tighter ball with her head practically turned all the way around so the underside of her chin is sticking up. I reach out my hand and curl my pointer finger into a hook and start to gently run my knuckle back and forth over the spot. Almost instantly a soft purr starts and as the moments pass by it just grows until it is the only major noise in the entirety of my room. It’s soothing and helps me fall back into a relax state, the one just before actual sleep.
But before I can there though I hear a soft knocking at my door and when I face it my roommate Chloe has her head popped in. “Hey Kristina.”
She doesn’t know it but there is a question mark at the end of that, or at least I hear it. “Yeah Kris?”
The rest of her body slides in the room and I can see by her lack of scrubs it must be her day off, so Wednesday it is then. She stays quiet until she reaches the bed and then she puts one knee on the very end of it and leans just a small amount into my space. “How are you feeling?”
Her faces says that she hates the way it sounds as much as I do, and before I go to try and brush it off she speaks again. “I’m sorry that sounds so after school, I know you’re not feeling great. I just…I wanted to check in.”
Chloe means nothing but well, we’ve lived together for three years and been friends for nearly seven. We met in college and we clicked pretty quickly and never really looked back from there. I can see the worry in her eyes and the way she is fidgeting with her hands she is also a little nervous.
Shuffling myself I sit up and lean back against my headboard, Peggy rolls out of her ball and jumps down out of spite that I ruined her sleep. Looking back up to Chloe I just shrug my shoulders, “It’s the same it’s been all week. Nothing feels worthy enough for me to get up and out of bed.”
Nodding, she accepts that answer. She’s been through enough bad days or weeks with me to know there isn’t much explaining to be had for them. Peggy hops back up to the bed and rubs up against Chloe’s leg and Chloe runs her hand over the fluffy body and scratches at Peg’s head without breaking eye contact with me. The silence stretches a bit but it is not uncomfortable.
“Well…do you mind if I join you today?” she asks after a while and I am a little taken aback. Chloe has definitely sat with me before in the quiet and the dark just to be a presence but I figured she had things she’d much rather be doing on her day off. At my silence she shuffles a little closer, Peggy tagging along, “We could sit around all day watching Netflix and eating junk food, maybe go out later and grab some ice cream?”
As always with Chloe her hands are flying all over as she talks and it makes me smile a little. What she is suggesting is nice, and maybe it’s what I need to feel even just a little better. She continues to stare me down and after a few seconds I shake my head and roll my eyes, “Sure, why not.”
She fist pumps and gives a little, “Yes!” before scooping up Peggy, who squawks at the sudden movement, and lifting back my blankets a little and saying, “Scoot over, we can finish that season of Buffy we started last week and move on from there.”
I sometimes forget what a force Chloe can be, but it’s a good force, I slide over and grab the remote for my TV that sits in the corner across from my bed and then bring up the apartment Netflix. As the new episodes start and I hear Peggy purring again between the two of us it already feels like a better day than most.