National Coming Out Day has been a day the last six or so years since I’ve known about it that I would say as an ally I was here to support people and want them to feel comfortable being who they are.
But when you’re trying to use it as a day to say something you’ve been internally debating about for a year or so it seems so much heavier. However I don’t want to make this a heavy thing, because I don’t see it as that for me.
I’ve talked to a couple of people and I’ve said it before just to see how it feels but I wanted to say it in a larger context and admit;
I am bisexual.
Specifically I am a bisexual heteromantic.
I don’t think I understood there was a fully accurate way to describe the way I felt until I learned about romantic orientations. Because for at least five or so years I’ve known that while my attraction to males is stronger, it doesn’t make my attraction to females nonexistent (Kinsey 2 is also a pretty accurate way to describe me as well [Kinsey Scale information can be found here]). However at the same time whenever I thought about or fantasized about long-term relationships or marriage all I ever could picture was that of one with a man.
For so long I felt awful about that and like a giant hypocrite because what’s the point in identifying with bisexual if it doesn’t extend to a possibility of long-term? But when I learned that your romantic orientation can differ from your sexual orientation and that they don’t necessarily have to line up, it felt like a better fit to say I am a bisexual heteromantic (for those who are a bit confused here is a graphic on sexual vs romantic orientations).
And while part of me knows that I don’t have to say it out loud, on a large platform, to make it real. That nobody has to know. But at the same time I’ve never found a way to just be casual about it, work it into conversation lightly. I am not afraid of anyone in my life, at least anyone that matters, changing the way they feel about me or that they can no longer be in my life because of this and I realize how fortunate that makes me.
So while I am using today as an opportunity to come out and be a little bit more honest, I still want the emphasis on the fact that today is about supporting people. There are people who struggle so much with the decision to come out and be their authentic selves and National Coming Out Day is about telling them they are loved and they have support no matter what. There is so much amazing kindness and support coming out in droves today and I hope that if you need that sort of encouragement or love that you found it today. There are so many people out there that love you for who you are and don’t ever be afraid to be you, come out when you are perfectly ready.
I feel like I definitely have left some stuff out. I’ve been mentally trying to write this post for a month or so and it never worked out like I wanted it to so I just sat down and spat it out. If there are any questions from those in my life feel free to ask me, I promise I won’t be offended.