So I don’t know if it’s cheating when I start something the day before but finish it the day I post it…but I also make the rules so I say no! The inspiration comes from a few things; the new Adele song ‘Hello’, but I was actually listening to a cover of it done amazingly by Meghan Tonjes, and the fact I was at a laundromat watching it rain outside when the idea came to me.
This laundromat is dingy for a place that cleans things. Outside the rain comes down hard enough it gives the world a slight blurred effect. I watch the cars pass as I wait for my was but then overhead I hear our song.
Well…it’s now just a song since there is no more us. But it hits just as powerful now as it did when we were whole. Before I can actually think about it the cold face of my phone is against my cheek and your number is pulled up. It’s a good thing phones never directly tell you the amount of phone calls of yours are “missed”, I’m not sure I want to know the number at this point.
But then out of no where I see the red of your car slow down just outside the window. You come to a stop for the light and I watch you lift something, your phone. You don’t know I am here and so you can’t see the hope in my face as the seconds tick by and all you do is stare. But then you shake your head at the screen and throw it into the seat beside you, focusing again on the green light you await.
It’s not that all the other times I assumed you wouldn’t be answering, but the 100% clarification hurts worse than the few times you used to pick up just to tell me to stop. I wait it out though, just all those other times. The final ring hits it’s end as the light changes and I watch you drive away unaware that tears are flowing down my face like the rain comes down onto your car. Your voicemail kicks in and even if the sound of your voice is painful, it is also comforting and I can’t walk away from it.
Leaving you messages stopped ages ago, figured it was pointless…if you were even bothering to listen to them at all. But today feels different, like literally watching your rejection put a final note to the answer I was pretty sure I already had.
Turning away from the window I sink into the hard, plastic chair beside me and watch the washer circle my clothes round and round. I feel mostly numb, but the piercing beep cuts through and without any hesitation I speak clearly, with a tone of finality.